So two days ago i had an absolute mental breakdown and it sucked. To the family members that dropped everything and came to my aid you are the real heroes!

I’m sure some of you have experienced a mental breakdown. Im going to tell you what mine consisted of.

I couldn’t gather a single thought. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I blacked out. My heart was racing and i couldn’t take care of myself or my kids. I had to leave and change my scenery. I hate that it happened and i apologize to my babies for having to leave for a little while.

I am hear to tell you it gets better! If you don’t have the family support like i do then call me! Message me! Do what you have to do to get a break. It’s ok to need a break! Like i have expressed before its ok to not be ok!!!!! Its ok to ask for help!!!!!

Mental illness isn’t something to mess with or take lightly!! If someone is reaching out for help then help them!! You could literally save their life!!

Thank you to 88888888888888888888888888889999999999997]\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\]]]==============——————=]’ (Sorry that was my cat)

Thank you to the family members that came to my rescue! You guys literally save my life and i cannot thank you enough.

That being said If you need help and dont have someone I WILL BE YOUR SOMEONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some days are such a struggle to move from my bed to my couch.

As some of you know I have fibromyalgia and if you don’t know what that I urge you to do some research. If you struggle with this illness I am so sorry and know your pain, feelings, and difficulties!

My fibromyalgia is a daily fight with my own body. Some days I can do a little bit and some days I can’t do anything. My body hurts and yeah most people are like yeah we all have pain we all hurt blah blah blah. This pain is excruciating, imagine tiny fire ants all down your arms, legs, hips, shoulders, and back. Imagine not being able to get the fire ants to stop biting. That’s a little bit of what fibromyalgia feels like. There are other things that my illness have caused, insomnia, and twitching are some of them. This illness interferes with my everyday life.

Today is a bad pain day. I have taken my medication, but the pain today is too strong for my meds which is an unfortunate common thing with this illness. I wish i had help today, I wish i could sleep today, I’d like to give up and call it quits today, but guess what first and foremost i am a mother and i can’t give up. My babies need me.

I don’t want to exsist today but i will for my kiddos.

Sorry boys mama will do better!!!

Today i was sent a picture and the saying on it really spoke to me. The saying on the picture said Depression rearranged says I pressed on. For years i have struggled with major depressive disorder, it effects my everyday life. Anyone who has struggled with depression knows exactly what i am talking about. I want to talk about some of the personal struggles i have face with my ongoing depression.

The first thing i want to elaborate on is the daily struggle it takes to even get out of bed sometimes, and with 4 kiddos at home i cant stay in bed, that’s a good thing though… my kids have saved me from several situations that i didnt need to be in. I can’t tell you how thankful i am for my children.

Depression is like a big heavy blanket wrapped around your entire body. It’s dark, heavy, and debilitating at times. Some people just expect you to be “ok” and sometimes you cant! Trust me when i say we want nothing more than to be ok! People need to understand it is not that easy. Some people think you should be “ok” if you just take your medicine. Guess what its still not that easy! I have taken depression meds for years, one of the highest doses as a matter of fact. Its a daily struggle every single day to function in society. Its ok to not be ok.

It’s ok to not be ok. We are not bad people for having depression. We are not bad people, we are not bad parents. We just fight harder to be a functional person, we fight harder to be the parents we need to be. Fighting through my depression has made me realize the mother I need to be to maybe stop the depression from continuing onto my children!!

I am doing the things i need to do to overcome this depression and i will get better. I will end this depression, I will take my medicine, i will do my therapy in order to get better, and I will not let this pass onto my kids.

That being said, I will not let myself feel bad if I do have a bad day. I will push through the bad days and come out on top! Check on the mommas that have depression, make sure they’re ok. We will tell you we’re ok even when we’re not. Offer help, give us a nap, an uninterrupted, and talk with us. We will push through. Most importantly pray for us.

As everyone should know i’m at stay at home mom of 4 crazy boys! I spend most of my days at home cleaning and caring for my babies. What no one talks about is the depression that sometime comes with staying at home. We stay at home moms absolutely love being at home with our kiddos but being inside these walls every single day is mentally exhausting! Unless you’re a stay at home mom you truly don’t understand the exhaustion that us moms endure.

Mental Exhaustion- Do you know what its like to attempt to clean and do laundry while children are literally stuck up your butt? What about trying to fold any piece of clothing while a 2 year old is following right behind you unfolding it because they want to “help”, and as amazing and helpful they are trying to be its exhausting! Just because we say its exhausting doesn’t mean we don’t absolutely love being home with our kids, but don’t make us feel like crap when we say we’re tired!!

Physical Exhaustion- Don’t even get me started! Okay, I’m getting started!!! Have you ever went like 12 years without sleeping? That’s basically what being a stay at home mom is! One of my favorite things to hear is sleep when they sleep! Seriously!??? When they sleep that’s our time to clean, possibly eat, do laundry, pay bills, and possibly go pee in between all of that! When they’re awake we have to play with them, listen to the same story they have told you eight hundred times, feed them, change them, take them to the bathroom, eat the pretend food they make you, watch them try eighteen times to catch a cheeseball in their mouth, bathe them, make sure they have clothing on (HA!), monitor their tv activity, and the list goes on. Do you know how exhausting it is to do that day in and day out? Would we do it a million times over? Duh. Do we sometimes get overwhelmed doing it all the time? DUH. Being a stay at home mom is not for the faint of heart!

Emotional Exhaustion- Let me just take a minute to highlight the emotional aspect of staying at home. I cannot express how much we will do this over and over again because we love our children, but the emotional toll it takes on us mothers is sometime a bit overwhelming. The tantrums oh my gosh the tantrums! Do you know how hard it is not to punch your child ( and lets face it everyone has wanted to) when they tell you that you’re not the boss and you don’t tell them what to do? Another fun one is when they throw an absolute fit in public when they don’t get the toy they already have? Sometimes you just want to squeeze their heads. Would we ever do that? Not for all the money in the world. I could go on about the emotional toll it takes to be a stay at home mom but I need to save some things for another day!!

These are just some of the things a stay at home mom deal with, next time you see a stay at home mom give her a hug, ask her if she needs help with anything, let her go pee! We are strong but sometimes we need help and THATS OK!

”

Hear me out i’m new to this whole thing. I’m going to tell you a little bit about myself.

I’m a 26 year old mother of four boys, YES I said four. I met my love in January of 2010 and we had our first son in December of 2010. I know fast, we haven’t slowed down since then lol.

First, my son born in December of 2010 changed my life for the better. He is so smart, funny, and caring.

My second born in March of 2012 surprised us all by being so tiny! He is hilarious, tenderhearted, and thoughtful.

My third born in September of 2016 has proven to be the fireball of the bunch. He is rambunctious, fiery, and all around boy.

My fourth born in October of 2018 my baby, my last baby, my cuddle baby! He was a big surprise to my husband and I. He’s so cuddly and hes a mamas boy for sure.

Life with boys is a crazy roller coaster ride join me in my new blogging adventure, where ill talk about anything and everything, whatever i think of, whatever comes to mind. Here goes my newest adventure.